Agreeing to Disagree

   

Two rams fighting by Hendrik Hondius Holland 1610

 There are times in relationships, families and in the church where we just have to agree to disagree on some issues especially those that do not relate to salvation.  For example, I remember being at a Christian conference in Orlando, FL where Dr. R.C. Sproul presented his case for infant baptism from a Reformed perspective.  At the same time, he had invited his dear friend Dr. John MacArthur to make his presentation on believer's baptism.  Both of them made excellent arguments for their position.  They parted company from this conference as friends neither of them having changed the other person's point of view on the matter.  However, there are other issues on which the church can stand or fall such as the means of salvation.  Obviously, Martin Luther took an important stand which led to the break in fellowship with the Roman Catholic Church.  This was not his intention, but one which the Lord used to bring much needed reformation to a faith which had been obscured by works.

     My mother used to remind me that it is often fruitless to argue with someone on an issue.  In fact, there is an old saying that goes along with this concept:  "You can't teach a pig to sing.  It only annoys the pig and frustrates you."  To put it another way, we need to avoid foolish controversies while at the same time upholding the truth of scripture.  It is a fine line requiring thought, prayer and Bible study.

     In two different letters authored by the Apostle Paul, he writes to Timothy and Titus about dealing with controversial issues.  2 Timothy 2:23-26 reads:  "Have nothing to do with foolish, ignorant controversies; you know that they breed quarrels.  And the Lord's servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil, correcting his opponents with gentleness. God may perhaps grant them repentance leading to a knowledge of the truth, and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, after being captured by him to do his will."  Then in Titus 3:9, we read:  "But avoid foolish controversies, genealogies, dissensions, and quarrels about the law, for they are unprofitable and worthless."  Both of these scriptures deal with the issue of having a prolonged disagreement over something that does not bring any value or encouragement to either believer.  Instead, it drives a wedge in the relationship.  Now, this does not mean that we 

stop being friends because someone does not see eye to eye with us.  However, it does mean we may have to avoid alienating the other person by insisting that our position is the correct one.

     Unfortunately, there have been church splits over the color of carpeting in the church, whether to expand a church building, and if the pastor visits shut-ins enough.  There are probably many more that could be named, but they are all foolish controversies in light of eternity.  Having sound theological discussions about different interpretations of scripture without animosity is always productive and can help people understand one another's point of view.  However, we can rarely change another person;s mind by anything we say or do on our own.  The only One who can change some one's thinking is God.  If we believe that a person needs to reconsider their perspective, then the best thing we can do for them is pray.

     Over and over again in my posts, I encourage all of us to become students of the Word.  This is how the Lord can speak to our heart and mind as the Holy Spirit applies scripture to our lives.  We need to stand for the truth of doctrine as revealed in God's Word, but we must avoid foolish controversies that do little to encourage one another.  Let us strive to keep the bond of peace and to love one another respecting differences of opinion.  Selah!

Are You Easily Offended?

Beautiful flowering tree on Anna Maria Island

     I remember in the early days of our marriage I had a good friend who taught me many things.          Penny was a fantastically talented young homemaker.  She cooked well, kept a very tidy home, sewed clothing and coats for her family like a professional, could knit, crochet (she taught me how), embroider and even do ceramics well.  I marveled at how well she took care of her family.
     While I enjoyed her helpful suggestions and recipes, there came a time when she came into my home and took over in my kitchen one evening without me asking for any help.   Then, she made several off the cuff remarks about my cooking, and I could feel the hackles begin to rise.  I hadn't asked her for a critique or assistance.  I knew I was being overly sensitive, but I could never envision myself walking into to someone else's home and taking over.  However, that evening I told her I appreciated her help in the kitchen and her good ideas but I just had to learn how to do some things on my own.  We changed the subject and the rest of the evening went smoothly.  I wish I could honestly write that I have responded to intrusive actions or offensive remarks as well as I did this evening, but I am human with a sin nature.  Sometimes I let other people's insensitive remarks rub me the wrong way.  I become upset, insulted, irritated and wronged, and I cannot let the subject drop.
     Possibly, there are some of you out there that can relate to this.  Someone makes a suggestion to you innocently at the office and you think they are attacking your intelligence.  Why are you so sensitive?  Why do you take offense so easily?  Why do I?  Whenever these situations arise for us, we must turn to God's Word for the answer.
     In Ecclesiastes 7:21-22, Solomon writes:  "Do not take to heart everything people say, lest you hear your servant cursing you.  For many times, also, your own heart has known that even you have cursed others."  Ouch!  Truth hurts doesn't it?  It is so easy to take offense at what someone says to us forgetting that we may have offended them as well at one time or another.
     According to I Corinthians 13:5, we are to love others so that we are not easily provoked to anger by something they do or say.  Likewise, we are not to allow the small irritations of daily living and communication drive a wedge between ourselves and others.  We need to let it go for the sake of unity.  Otherwise, if we harbor negative emotions thinking others are picking on us, we will soon become an angry and bitter person.  The quickest way to ruin family relationships or workplace environments is to be overly sensitive and take offense at everything.
     Obviously, there are times when we need to confront another who has hurt our feelings, but we are to do so in love not with vengeance in our heart.  However, if we find ourselves confronting others day in and day out, we better check our motives and ask ourselves if we are looking for trouble.
     Certainly, the Lord told us that in this world we would have trouble and offenses are definitely a part of that.  It is okay to admit that we have been hurt by what someone said or did, but we can choose to not be offended.  Colossians 3:13 tells us that we should be "bearing with one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do."  This is not always easy to do, but it is a command to forgive others as the Lord has forgiven us.
     Here are some suggestions to help us avoid taking offense all the time:
     1)  Take Your Eyes Off "Self" - We can always tell when we think more of ourselves than of others when we start saying things like:  "She was short with me today"; "That person barely spoke to me"; "He never said 'Thank you' for all my hard work".  Instead of assuming what others are thinking, why don't we try to ask more questions.  Go start up a conversation with that person instead of feeling like they are ignoring you.  Allow others to be in the spotlight at times and if we still feel hurt because we didn't get our way or someone pointed out our shortcomings, we need to take it to God and ask Him to help us develop a humble attitude.  We may not like it that someone else may know more than we do in a certain area but we need to have an outlook that esteems others better than ourselves (Philippians 2:3).
     2)  Look at Your Feelings -  Often those of us who are easily offended are over-sensitive on many other issues as well.  It could be that we have areas of unresolved scars, emotional issues that act like a "hot button" for us when someone says something out of turn.  We need to ask the Lord to help us sort out why we react the way we do and how to resolve the issue.
     3) Get Rid of Unfair Expectations - At times, we are expecting certain behaviors from other people and when they do not display this, we are disappointed or take offense.  We are not going to have perfect co-workers, family members or even friends.  So, when they do not perform as we expect, show them grace just as God has shown us grace.  We will be more tolerant of others if we remember what the Apostle Paul wrote in Romans 7:18:  "For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh) nothing good dwells; for to will is present with me, but how to perform what is good I do not find."  None of us has it all together.  Don't live with unrealistic expectations of others.
     4) Assume the best in others - We have to keep in mind that the person who offends us may really have our best interest at heart.  They may never have meant to hurt us at all.  Give people the benefit of the doubt.  Consider that maybe the person who has just stepped on our toes was distracted with something else when they said what they said or maybe they were not feeling well.  Often people don't think how their words are perceived.  Therefore, we need to try to avoid building an entire case against that person.  We cannot change others.  We can only change ourselves with God's help.  This is part of the "Bomb Shell theory" and I find it good advice for us all.  We have to remember that God is the only one who can change a heart.  We all have different personalities and sometimes we do rub one another the wrong way.  It is what we do with our feelings that makes a difference.
     Finally, consider how unlovely, unlovable, dead in sin and disagreeable we were before our holy, righteous God.  Yet, He sent His only Son to die for us that we might be redeemed.  If God can forgive us after all the offense of our sin and rebellion, we must learn to do likewise through the strength of the Holy Spirit working in us.  Remember, how we behave in front of others is often the way they will perceive all Christians.  Mickey Evans (Pastor and director of Dunklin Memorial Camp years ago) stated:  "It is better to be righteous than right."  When it comes to taking offense easily over what others do or say, we need to follow this wisdom.  Let our walk be righteous
before the Lord that we might glorify Him.  Selah!
   

What's In Your Heart?

God sees us with clarity like a hawk

      Frequently, in our office, someone will mention what they heard on the news that day.  Most of the time we find ourselves asking why or how someone could do the awful deed they carried out.  Frankly, I am glad I do not understand that mindset, yet over and over, we read about people abusing little children, murdering their family, shooting up a place of employment or an airport.  It seems to have escalated with time.  However, God is not surprised.
     Jeremiah the Prophet wrote these words under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit:  "The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick, who can understand it?  I, the Lord search the heart and test the mind, to give every man according to his ways, according to the fruit of his deeds" (Chapter 17:9-10).  The
se are solemn words my friends.  Without Christ, our hearts are blackened by sin.  Our minds are full of selfish thoughts.  Is there any wonder then that Jesus would not trust Himself to man?  In John's Gospel we read in Chapter 2:  "…23Now when He was in Jerusalem at the Passover, during the feast, many believed in His name, observing His signs which He was doing. 24But Jesus, on His part, was not entrusting Himself to them, for He knew all men, 25and because He did not need anyone to testify concerning man, for He Himself knew what was in man."  Our Lord was not caught off guard by what lies in the heart of a man or woman.  He knew the sinfulness of our hearts.
     As we look at the verses in Jeremiah, we see that God knows our heart, mind and deeds. There will come a day when we will be judged by our deeds if we are not in relationship to His Son Jesus Christ.  When we consider the Ten Commandments, can anyone of us say we have kept them all perfectly?  However, outside of Christ, this is how we will be judged...by the Law of a holy and righteous God.  I tremble when I think of standing before a holy God based on my deeds alone.
     Just so we are clear on this, let us look at some of the deeds done by the heart.  The Apostle Paul lists a number of them in Galatians chapter 5:  "19 Now the deeds of the flesh are evident, which are: immorality, impurity, sensuality, 20 idolatry, sorcery, enmities, strife, jealousy, outbursts of anger, disputes, dissensions, factions, 21 envying, drunkenness, carousing, and things like these, of which I forewarn you, just as I have forewarned you, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God."  This is what is meant by the heart is desperately wicked as we look at this list.
     By contrast, if we repent and turn from our sins at the invitation of the Holy Spirit, God gives to us a new heart, a renewed mind through His Word and the deeds that follow are fruitful.  According to the Apostle Paul in Galatians 5:  " 22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. 24 Now those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires."  What a dramatic change from the wicked heart filled with envy, hatred, and self serving.  Only God can do this work in us.  This is precisely why we need to tell others the Good News of our Savior Jesus Christ.
      Unless and until a heart is changed by Christ, we will continue to see the horrible effects of sin in our cities and nation.  Bullying, school shootings, lies by those in authority are all symptomatic of the sin nature which Jeremiah points out so clearly.  We must pray for God to intervene in our communities, states, in the nation, and in the world that many will be called by His name.  He alone has the power to change the wicked heart.  May He use us as instruments in telling others the Good News.  Otherwise, they will be judged by their deeds before a holy God.  Lord, help us to let our light shine!  Selah!