"The New Normal"

   

 As I sit here in the quiet of our home, the memories of the last few days come rolling across my heart like a wave crashing on the shore.   Life has changed for our family and we are all trying to find the "new normal" after the death of our oldest grandchild this past Thursday, January 9th.  It was sudden, unexpected and felt like a body blow when we got the call.  How could it be that this smiling six year old child with special needs was gone from us?  And yet, I remembered that life is brief on this earth and we do not know when the Lord will call us.  Isaiah 40:8 reads:  "The grass withers and the flowers fall, but the Word of our God endures forever."  Only God and His promises remain the very thing we can cling too when heartache comes to us.  

     At the beginning of the New Year, I chose for my life verse Proverbs 3:5-6:  "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make straight your paths."  My theme for the year was trusting in God.  I thought to myself how ironic it was that my trust was being stretched to the max so early in the new year.  However, God's ways are not my ways and His thoughts are not my thoughts.  I do not understand why our beloved grandchild was called home so early in his life.  Nevertheless, I cannot lean on my own perception.  Only a Sovereign God knows how to bring all the loose ends of life together for His glory and our good.  The question is, "Do I really believe that God is good even in the darkest valley?  Do I trust Him?"

     Scripture teaches us that God is unchanging, just, good, holy, righteous, perfect, loving, all knowing and that He weeps with those who weep.  Hebrews 13:8 reads:  "Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever."  In other words, we can fully rely on Him.  We also know that the Lord understands our pain and our trials.  When Lazarus died, "Jesus wept" (John 11:35).  He experienced our emotions fully and totally identified with us.  Hebrews 4:15-16 tells us:  "For we do not have a high priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but One who has been tempted in all things as we are, yet without sin. Therefore let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need."  For myself, I feel more confident knowing that our Lord understands our sense of loss, our helpless feeling and is ready to provide us with His mercy and grace.  

     When Branson James Thayer was born on October 30, 2007, we knew something was wrong.  After testing, we knew he had a very rare brain malformation shared by a handful of people in the world.  We were not certain he would ever speak, walk, or be able to engage with others around him. Yet, he rose above so many obstacles, so many hospitalizations, and many seizures which his parents worked to prevent.  He was able to speak a few words and use other means to communicate.  He learned to walk and was certainly a very social little boy.  Our son and daughter in law poured their lives into his, and the entire family on both sides stood in full support and love.  We cheered him on, and his favorite phrase became "I did it" whenever he accomplished a task.  So why did God choose to call him home to heaven?  It is something I cannot answer except to say that our lives will forever be changed by the life he lived to the fullest.  God gave him to us for six years, and now he rests in the arms of Jesus where he is free to talk, walk, eat whatever he wants and experience freedom from seizures.  With that in mind, we do not wish him back to this life of limitations.  

     At present, we are the "walking wounded" as we work through our grief day by day and moment by moment.  Yet, we have hope that we will see Branson again because we believe and trust in the work of Jesus Christ our Savior.  He came, died for our sins and set us free from the bondage that held us captive.  In Him, we have the assurance that we will live eternally in His presence and see our loved ones who have died in the faith.  Yes, God knows the pain of loss for He sent His only Son to die for us who had no love for Him nor did we seek Him.  Because of that sacrifice, we can live in assurance that God forgives us and promises us eternal life.

     Our whole family is trying to learn about the "new normal" for us now that God has taken Branson home.  We are learning to trust the Lord on a new level now, and as we do, keep us in your prayers.  No one promised us an easy path in this world.  However, Jesus said He would never leave nor forsake us.  I close with these two verses of hope and strength:  Isaiah 43:2:  "When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;  and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned and the flame shall not consume you."  In all of life's circumstances, Jesus is with us.  Likewise, our great and mighty God has a plan for each one of us.  Jeremiah 29:11 reads:  "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. "  This is the God we serve.  A God of hope and a future.  He will lead us gently into our "new normal" as we watch His plan unfold in each of our lives.  Selah!                      

     

From Anxiety to Trust

     Heading to worship this past Sunday, I felt the old gnawing sensation creeping up my back and sending my stomach churning once again.  I knew only too well the old enemy of my soul was stirring up those feelings of insecurity and anxiety that have dogged my footsteps for many years.   Having experienced a panic attack, no one would ever want to have another one; so the fear of the "fear" is what paralyzes me.   I never have thought of myself as a worrier, but that is exactly what God showed me during the service.  We have been planning a trip to Europe to celebrate our wedding anniversary, and with so many unknowns,  I allowed my concern to grow.  By the time we arrived at church, I was inwardly battling old emotional responses to stress.
     As we settled in our pew, I began a slow breathing exercise to calm my anxiety.  It helped, but not nearly as much as the Word being preached and the worship that filled the sanctuary.  Both lifted me out of myself so that I could hear what the Lord had to say.  What began with anxiety that morning, ended with a prayer of gratitude for God's goodness in revealing to me my sin and its remedy.
     Our pastor has been preaching a series on the Songs of Ascent in the Psalms.  Psalm 127 and 128 were to focus this past Sunday.  The first few verses of Psalm 127 are what began to open my mind and heart releasing them from the icy prison of anxiety.  These words of Solomon are so rich with wisdom:  "Unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labor in vain.  Unless the Lord watches over the city, the watchman stays awake in vain.  It is in vain that you rise up early and go late to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil; for He gives to His beloved sleep."

     These words pried open the door shut hard against the fear I was feeling.  It was a revelation though I had heard these verses many times before.  Yet, this time was different.  The Holy Spirit helped me see that God is in control.   He is the one that builds the house, guards the city, provides for our needs, and leads the way.  When we take it upon ourselves to do these things, we bring only anxiety and stress into our lives.  We demonstrate to God that we do not trust Him.
     Jesus said it well:  "Therefore do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body what you will put on.....And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? " (Matthew 6:25a; 27).  Jesus goes on to describe how God takes care of the flowers of the field and the birds of the air.  Being even more valuable than these creatures, God will also take care of us.  He already knows what we need.  While I have read these verses a zillion times, somehow they didn't register until now.  It became clear to me that worry was a sin.  My anxiety resulted from lack of trust in God who watches over all the affairs of my life.
     Amazing, isn't it?  We can be given a precious gift (like time with my husband on a special trip) and yet, we begin to worry about all the "what ifs" that may never occur.  Even if they do occur, what is the worst thing that can happen that God cannot deal with?  I had a counselor point that out to me years ago.  She told me that even if we suffer a bout of depression, a panic attack, or some other problem, does that mean our life is over and God is not present to help lift us up?  Admittedly, the answer is "no".  Since nothing can separate us from His love, we have no reason to fear and all the more reason to trust.

     All our worries, anxiety and fear cannot accomplish anything.  It can cause us to have an upset stomach, tingling in our fingertips, and a sense of impending doom.  However, trusting in the God who builds the house, keeps the city safe and watches over us, brings peace as we yield to His sovereignty.
     I left church fully blessed.  I repented of the sin of worry and committed my heart to greater trust in God.  Let no one ever say that God does not speak through His Word when it is faithfully preached in the assembly of believers.  When we come expecting to hear from the Lord, He will never disappoint us.  I am grateful to our faithful pastors who study and share from God's Word each week.  Most importantly, I am grateful to God for setting me free from the bondage of anxiety.
     Are you faithfully attending church each week?  There is a wealth of fellowship, teaching, and prayer that can help you face the trials and circumstances of your life.  You may not suffer from anxiety, but there is no problem to big or small which the Lord cannot touch.  God dwells in the middle of His people when they come together in worship before Him.  Do not miss out on His blessings.  Answers to life's dilemmas come when we seek first His kingdom.  He will add just what we need when we need it.   Selah!


How has God been speaking to you this week?  What Scriptures come to your mind as you face each day?  I welcome your thoughts and insights here as well as your encouragement.